While I was out for my walk today I thought about all the posts I am seeing on Facebook, TV shows, newspapers etc. about diets, home styling, weddings, recipes etc. How we need to do this, use this, don't eat this, eat that, get this hair cut, use this colour and while it is all with good intentions to let us think about how we do things and to give us ideas - I wonder what that message can do to people. If having someone "unlike" your business page or "unfriend" you, misread or misunderstand a comment -leaves you feeling sad or question what you are doing - maybe we need to stop looking to be perfect for everyone and just be ourselves. Are lives are filled with the use of the word "perfect" perfect meaning what? Perfect marriage, perfect kids, perfect home, perfect job, perfect dog, perfect diet, perfect life, perfect hair, perfect make-up, perfect skin and in fact I was even told when I was diagnosed with cancer that "well, if you are going to get leukaemia - CML is the perfect one to get!" REALLY??? don't get me wrong - I understand what he was trying to say but really? I even had a relative tell me that "maybe having cancer will help you loose weight" - REALLY??
Maybe having a few years of experience, a life altering diagnosis and always learning that nothing truly is "perfect" helps me live my life my way. (breaking into song "I did it my way" - but it took me over 50 years ... oh no that's not in the song)
I was at a meeting a few months ago and there were two different speakers, one on fitness and one on make-up and first impressions. Well I learned (not that I didn't already know this) but my body isn't perfect! I was shocked to have this news made public - I had been trying to hide it for years! Then I was informed that going out in public with no make-up is just as bad as going out with too much make-up! ( we have all seen the little old ladies with way too much rouge and lipstick or the young girls looking like 25 when they are 14!) Yes it brought me down a bit to think that someone meeting me for the first time can make a judgement on me and my business by their "first impression" in 10 seconds of seeing me - just wait till I open my mouth - I think I would be in real trouble! My impression (note I said impression - not judgement) of someone is based on how they made me feel - I remember when I was out at Tim Hortons with my daughter a few years ago and it was miserable outside. There was an older homeless lady looking through the garbage cans there, her hands, clothes and hair were dirty - but there was something in her eyes when she looked at us beyond the sadness there was something. My daughter and I got our coffee and bagel and as we went back out saw she was still looking through the garbage - we both automatically went back in and bought a coffee and a sandwich to give to her. We took it out and said "here - enjoy this it's fresh" and she looked at us with eyes of hope and said "bless you - it's been a rough day today for me today". I don't know what a rough day for her meant but I am sure it wasn't anything I would want to live through.
So when people "judge" me because:
- my body isn't "perfect" - even though I walk and hike everyday and it went through a lot and survived so I will keep it and be happy with it.
- my skin isn't great - the transplant has left me with not so nice skin and I can't wear make-up
- my marriage isn't "perfect" - we've been married 32 years this year andwe have gone through a lot - we are still together and love each other
- my hair isn't "perfect" - because it never came back the same after chemo
- my house is not "perfect" - but it suits us just fine
- my kids aren't "perfect" - I love them for who they are and I hope they feel the same way
- my dog isn't "perfect" - and I love her too - only with a little less barking :)
- my business isn't "perfect" - I started this on my own after surviving a bone marrow transplant and I am doing my best
- my cooking and baking aren't "perfect" - everyone always enjoys what I make and no one has died from it yet - or got sick :)
Have a sweet wonderful day where ever you are.
Gwen
Just in case you need to know what Perfect and Perfection are according to the dictionary :)
per·fect
[adj., n. pur-fikt; v. per-fekt]
adjective
1.conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type: a perfect sphere; a perfect gentleman.
2.
excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement: There is no perfect legal code. The proportions of this temple are almost perfect.
3.
exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose: a perfect actor to play Mr. Micawber; a perfect saw for cutting out keyholes.
4.
entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings: a perfect apple; the perfect crime.
5.
n] 
Show IPA
accurate, exact, or correct in every detail: a perfect copy.
per·fec·tion
[per-fek-shuhn] Show IPA
noun
4.
a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence.
This is a really wonderful, honest, insightful post. And I think you're perfectly delightful just the way you are. (oh I also think I am as well. So we're in good company. ) Seriously, you rock sister.
ReplyDeleteThank you Allison - it was easy to write but tough to publish - to actually push that button to open it up for comments! I think we all end up pretending so much in our lives that we forget who we really are.
ReplyDeleteI think you are perfectly awesome too!
Rockin back to you!